After an insanely busy weekend that included an outdoor fundraiser with a weather crisis, home remodeling that had our house in chaos, and a nice bout of flu or food poisoning, Monday morning was not starting out kindly. So scanning through my email, noticed I received this comment on one of my frequently viewed videos on YouTube that talked about the merits of the Flip video camera vs. the Kodak Zi8:
“this woman is so ugly and she does not even know that it takes 7hrs to charge DUMB ASS”
That was the topper for my Monday.
Luckily, I have a pretty healthy dose of self-esteem and a sense of humor. So I thought it was more amusing than upsetting. But this comment is really an attack by a social media heckler.
What is a social media heckler? Like a heckler at a comedy club, this is a person who is observing those in the social media world, but really just causes noise and annoyance on the networks such as YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook. This person, a 24-year old male with no picture in his profile, joined YouTube four days prior to his comment and had zero–zero!–uploaded videos. On another video that someone shot which was a test of the Kodak Zi8 and featured what appeared to be a girls’ high school basketball team game, his comment was: “this is the reason why people dont respect the WNBA.” Now I’m going to say that this guy has some issues with women. Also has some issues with punctuation. But I digress.
This noise on the social media networks is not only annoying, but time wasting. I wasted my time reading his rude comment and deciding how to deal with it. I feel like sending him a bill. So how should you handle these clowns?
- Do Not Engage Them – First and foremost, do not be tempted to argue or engage them by replying to their comments. This wastes your time. As well you will be robbing them of the one thing they crave most: attention. Notice that, while tempting, I haven’t referred you to this person’s YouTube channel. Why should I give him free advertising?
- Do Not Take the Comments Personally – Hecklers are not commenting with respectful and constructive criticism. Sometimes they aren’t even really listening. With my heckler, I didn’t even make an issue of how long it took to charge. I did make an issue of how the charging process works. So he wasn’t even responding to something I addressed.
- Remember Their Comments (and Yours) Are in a Public Forum – As for the “ugly” comment, I realize that definitions of ugly are very person-centric. What appeals to one, doesn’t to another. No problem there. But these hecklers forget that their comments are in a public forum. Would they be as brave to say these things in person? And, remember, if you get mad and reply with something equally biting, you will be seen as someone who is easily rattled by this sort of thing. These things have a way of escalating, too, which wastes even more time.
The rules, both written and unwritten, of the social media universe are constantly evolving. But rude behavior, online or off, will never be tolerated.
Tags: blogging, Social Media, Social Media Strategies, Twitter, YouTube
Leave A Reply (6 comments So Far)
Jenise Fryatt
701 days ago
Heidi,
What a wonderful example you are! This is EXACTLY the way we should all deal with social media hecklers. Remember, any time you distinguish yourself in any way, there are going to be people out there who want to knock you down – not because of who you are but because of who they are. Each time it happens it’s an opportunity to practice this idea. The more we do, the more we understand that virtually all criticism we receive has very little to do with our own shortcomings.
Constructive criticism is different. It comes from people who want to see you succeed. The guy who left that comment said much more about himself than about you. When you don’t bite, they get bored and start looking for someplace else to point their venom. Great advice!!
Heidi Thorne
701 days ago
Agreed, rude social media behavior is all about THEM… and not about the people they harass. We do need to handle these situations professionally as any other business communication.
Thank you so much for your insight and support!
justin locke
701 days ago
well the beauty of youtube and blogs is that you can delete such drive-by shamings, unlike third party sites where you don’t control things.
i confess tho that i do often feel the urge to be more confrontational in these instances. maybe not so much in anonymous online situations but i do believe that sometimes you have to stand up to bullies. if i don’t, well, that also encourages them. the older i get the more confidence i get in facing down this kind of energy, and when i succeed at it i feel like i have made a long-term difference in the world. it’s not so much that i need to respond in kind; more and more i see such statements as a clumsy request for assistance. sometimes the best response is a calm understanding one, as that can shock or embarrass them into better behavior. (the trick is to sidestep their negative energy and counter it with suggestions of, e.g., sources for therapy.) of course, this is also a bit of a guy thing, as knowing that if push comes to shove, well, weighing over 200 lbs, i can do the shoving . . . that makes a difference
.
remind me to tell you the story of how i once managed an obscene phone call . . .
–jl
Heidi Thorne
700 days ago
You do have a point, Justin. I have to admit that seeing these types of comments really gets my dander up, encouraging me to respond just as strongly… but professionally, of course. And I think there is a time and a place to do so. I believe it depends on the situation and type of comment. However, I realize that my time is money. Any time spent responding to a rude person who has nothing to offer me but malice is not a good investment of my time and my life.
And I’m sure your story of the obscene phone call would be one for the ages. Yes, I will have to her it someday!
Johanna
697 days ago
I never cease to be amazed at how low people will sink when afforded anonymity. It’s not just on SM, look at the comments that are made in major newspaper sites… Many newspapers are now disabling the comment areas for this reason. Why is it that hecklers don’t heckle and shut each other up?
Heidi Thorne
697 days ago
I agree! I also think (and hope) that as greater transparency continues to gain ground in the social media spheres, we will see less and less of this ding-dong-ditch behavior as time goes on. And, yes, wish the hecklers would heckle the heck out of each other and stay out of genuine social media conversation.
Thanks for taking the time to comment and join this conversation!